applepiecrust

The Times of Harvey Milk

2009-01-09T22:58:01Z

If you liked Gus Van Sant's film Milk, you must absolutely watch the documentary it was based on. If you haven't already heard of it/know about it, it is called The Times of Harvey Milk and it is directed by Rob Epstein (who also made Celluloid Closet, based on the book by Vito Russo). It's narratd by Harvey Fierstein. The documentary is, in my opinion, even more inspiring than the feature film. And it's now available on Hulu:

Here

A Secret Santa Present

2008-12-31T17:36:36Z

Title: The Stupidest Secret Santa Present. Ever.

Rating: teen
Author's Note: This is rather short, and I’m still new to writing fanfiction. I hope you enjoy it, regardless. Constructive criticism welcome.

December 23

“Oh great! So the mission begins.” Chad thought to himself as he entered the mall. He needed to find a present. For Ryan, of all the people. For a Secret Santa exchange, no less, so everybody would see exactly what he got him.

It was all Gabriella’s fault really, because she wanted to make sure that everybody from East High stayed close even though they’d all now graduated and gone to different parts of the country for college – hence the Secret Santa. It would get everyone to think carefully about the person they were buying presents for, she’d said. Like Chad needed to think about Ryan anymore than he already did!

Fine, yes, he had a crush on Ryan Evans. Had had one since the summer before senior year, in fact. And he really did not want to think about it. After all, what could come of a crush like that? For one, Ryan now lived two thousand miles away, and surely had his choice of gorgeous, incredibly talented Juilliard guys, and well, just about every guy in New York really (all those smart Ivy League students, beautiful aspiring actors, really, the choicest picks). And Chad knew Ryan could get just about any guy he wanted, because he was just as gorgeous and talented and nice as they came.

Besides, Chad was a basketball player, a college athlete! There was no way he could come out openly without jeopardizing his place on the team, not in Albuquerque! Ryan deserved much better than a closet coward. And, really, Chad needed to stop agonizing over his crush on Ryan and just focus on buying his Secret Santa present.

What was one supposed to get a guy that had everything? A hat or a cap seemed like an obvious choice, but it was much too clichéd – “Ryan loves hats, so everybody will get hats for Ryan.” Chad was sure that Ryan, in fact, had his hats custom-made by a hatter (or was that a milliner? He wasn’t sure). So, no, a hat would not be a good choice.

Suddenly, an idea struck Chad. It was on a complete whim, but he knew if he didn’t follow it through immediately, he would not be able to follow it through at all. So he left the mall and headed towards this independent bookstore he’d found on Nob Hill, certain that he’d find the perfect present for Ryan there.

December 24

The former Wildcats were all gathered at Gabriella’s place, just like the old times. They were sitting around, talking, eating brownies, drinking hot chocolate, doing all the festive holiday things. This was pleasant, this was normal, so Chad could not understand why he felt so nervous. Well, he did know why he was nervous, but he could not let himself think about it, not if he wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy.

But then Ryan started talking about New York during holiday time, and Chad could not not think about it. Ryan’s unique fashion style, his pouty lips, those blue blue eyes… Chad could not help but stare at him. But he couldn’t stare now – not without giving himself away!

Then someone (was it Taylor? Kelsi? Chad wasn’t sure, his attention had been elsewhere at the time) said it was time to open the Secret Santa presents. Chad was too nervous about seeing Ryan’s reaction to even really pay attention to his own present. He quickly glanced at the new basketball he’d just gotten, smiled appreciatively, and quickly got back to observing Ryan’s expressions, though he tried to be furtive about it.

Ryan was carefully unwrapping the book, with what seemed like a bemused expression on his face, probably confused at receiving a book as his present. Chad just really hoped Ryan would see the note attached to the book before he did. IF he didn’t, Cad could possibly be caught in the most embarrassing situation ever, and even hewasn’t, it would still be really embarrassing for Ryan. Honestly, though, Chad didn’t know what had possessed him to get Ryan a photographic book of male erotica. Yeah, it was some of his favorite, and he thought Ryan would appreciate it, and it was an anonymous gift, but it was still risky. And the note! Oh gosh, the note! He must’ve been high on eggnog or something to have written that –

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Open only when you’re alone though!

Merry Christmas

Your Secret Santa (/Your Secret Admirer)

Not that the note gave away his identity directly, but it made it clear that Ryan was not the only gay boy in their group. And that that other gay boy had a crush on Ryan, And Chad realized that that was probably a really stupid idea.

Ryan then looked up in Chad’s direction, and Chad just knew, from the look in his eyes, that Ryan knew exactly who his Secret Santa was.

December 25

Chad had spent much of the rest of Christmas Eve panicking. Even while opening his gifts at midnight, or watching his little sisters excitedly squealing over their gifts, Chad’s mind had been somewhere else, his thoughts focused on just one person, Ryan. After all, what good would an iTouch or new games for his Wii do when he’d just somehow, inadvertently, outted himself to the boy he had a crush on.

He had known he was taking a risk with that present, but he’d just been so glad to have found something he knew Ryan would appreciate, that he’d not really thought everything through. And now he could be seriously done for. If word got out, then… no, he wasn’t even going to think about it.

He’d told his mother the whole situation when she’d asked him (he’d been out to his parents since after graduating high school, and thankfully they’d been completely accepting, not that he would’ve expected anything less) and she’d told him that worrying was silly, and everything would be fine.

Well, that had all been the previous night and now it was Christmas day and Chad was still worried. However, just after the Danforths were done eating dinner, the doorbell rang, and Chad’s mother came in with a smile to call Chad to see his visitor. Immediately realizing she meant Ryan, Chad sighed and thought how annoying his mother’s optimism got when he so worried, damn it.

He greeted Ryan with a nervous smile, all the while wondering what Ryan would do or say or what Ryan now thought of him. Ryan smiled back at Chad, his smile looking just pleased and relaxed and at ease. Chad just stood there awkwardly, waiting for Ryan to say something. However, instead of speaking, Ryan simply pushed him towards the entrance to the living room, and kissed him. Even though it was a chaste, close-mouthed kiss, Chad could not process what was going on fast enough. Is head was just a jumble of thoughts – “oh gosh, Ryan is kissing me” and “My parents are right here” and “does this mean he likes me?” but mostly just “oh gosh, Ryan is kissing me and this feels amazing.” Gathering his wits, Chad kissed him back, open-mouthed.

Once the kiss ended, Ryan pointed up and simply smiled and said “Look, Mistletoe.”

And just as suddenly as he’d come, he left saying something about having to get back to the family and that he’d call Chad later. Chad hadn’t really understood too much of what Ryan had been saying because he was still in too much of a daze.

The consequences could go to hell, for all he cared now, because Ryan Evans liked him back!

Of course, later that night, Chad was already thinking about long distance relationships, and Ryan’s mouth, and transferring to Columbia or NYU or even Fordham, and Ryan’s blue eyes, and how he’d give up the silly idea of a career in basketball (he wasn’t good enough for big time anyway, he was realistic enough to know that), and how amazing it felt when Ryan had kissed him, and how Ryan would always kiss him (and do other things to him) if they were boyfriends, but really, the thoughts in Chad’s head were just that – thoughts in Chad’s head. Who knew what would come of them?

Cinderella Drabble Series

2008-12-31T17:34:36Z

Title: Cinderella, Reworked
Rating: PG
Words: 8 * 100
Summary: I wrote this series of drabbles for hsm_100. The prompt was Cinderella (duh!).

Chad's life is not a fairy tale, but that doesn't mean there's no magic.
Second attempt at writing fanfiction.

When Chad had been very young, his mother would read him bedtime stories every night. His favorite story had been Cinderella. He was obsessed with Cinderella -- he’d wanted to be like her, he’d wanted to have a fairy godmother like hers, and he’d wanted to live “happily ever after.”
So he didn’t understand what he had done wrong when he told his mother he wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween, and hoped that a prince would kiss him too. He didn’t understand why his mother’s eyes suddenly looked moist, and why she told him to not say such things.

When Chad was a little older, he realized he wasn’t supposed to wish for a prince to kiss him, he was supposed to be the prince for a girl. So Chad would go about his kindergarten class, asking girls if they were Cinderella and if they would let him kiss them. Sometimes, the girls would let him. And even though there was no magic, and none of the girls were really Cinderella, Chad thought it was still nice.
That year, Chad was Prince Charming for Halloween, adorable in his little boy suit, and his mother was very pleased with him.

When Chad grew even older, he knew Cinderella was not real, fairy tales were not real. There were no fairy godmothers, just like there was no Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy. He also realized that there were no more princes, at least not real ones. To be like a prince, he had to be an actor or a sportsman, so he would rich and powerful, and everybody would adore him, and all the girls would want to be with him. That is why Chad started playing basketball when he was in sixth grade -- to become a modern day prince.

When Chad grew even older, he realized he was different from other boys. He really did not want to be a prince, he wanted to be with a prince. But he knew that was wrong, so he kept on playing basketball, hoping those feelings would just go away and he would become an NBA star, a modern day prince.
First day of high school, though, he met Troy Bolton and Chad thought that Troy, with his gorgeous smile and beautiful eyes, must really be Prince Charming. But Chad could not have Prince Charming so they just became friends, best friends.

When Chad was a little bit older still, Gabriella came to East High. She was beautiful, all sunshine and rainbows, and Chad knew Troy was in love with her. Chad tried to fight to it, tried to keep them from getting together, because though he knew he couldn’t have Troy, he didn’t want anyone else to have him either. But they were so adorable and so in love, and so saccharine sweet, that Chad gave in.
He realized that, yes, Troy was Prince Charming, but maybe Gabriella really was Cinderella (the names even rhymed!) and Troy was her Prince Charming.

When Chad was working the summer before his last year of high school (and when, really, did he get so old?), he thought he had it all together. Troy was with his Cinderella, but Chad had his girl too, and though their’s was certainly no fairytale romance, he liked Taylor well enough.
Then he played at the staff baseball game against Ryan Evans. Ryan, with his blond hair, blue eyes, impeccable clothes, looked like he was Prince Charming and Chad couldn’t help but wonder if that really might be his Prince Charming after all. But, no, it wasn’t to be.

When Chad was finally grown up, a college student, he came out. Suddenly, everything felt right, better than it had before. Sure, there were evil stepmothers, the people that hated him for who he was, who hated him for being honest, but there was also magic. And there really was a fairy godmother, a most unexpected one, who helped him through everything, and became his pillar of support at U of A – Sharpay.
And when he told his fairy godmother that he thought her twin brother was his Prince Charming, she didn’t get mad at him. She just smiled.

At the New Year’s Eve party at the Evans’ house, Christmas break of freshman year, Chad confessed his crush to Ryan. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Ryan had had a crush on him since his freshman year of high school. As the bells tolled for Cinderella hour, the two exchanged their first kiss, and it was magical, as Chad had once thought kissing Prince Charming would be.
Sure, living on different sides of the country would be hard, but because this was a Disney fairytale, Chad and Ryan both knew they’d live happily ever after. Together.
The End.

Of Planning, Fabulousness and African Rivers

2008-09-01T18:31:23Z

Title: Of Planning, Fabulousness and African Rivers
Pairing(s): Chad/Ryan
Summary: Ryan plans. Chad is oblivious. Africa has long rivers.
Rating: PG (for some boy on boy kissing)
Warning(s): Bad puns. Oblivious boys. Cannibalistic mummies (not really).
Disclaimer: All High School Musical characters herein are the property of Disney. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: My first fictional story since eighth grade. No kidding.
This was my Swingathon entry, so some of you might have already read it, but I thought I'd post it here anyway.

Ryan Evans, East High theatre star and one-time Little League baseball player, was gay and everybody knew it. Ryan made no efforts at hiding his fabulousness, whether it was his flamboyant hats, his delicious choreography moves, or his not-so-secret celebrity crushes on Aston Kutcher or Orlando Bloom. Chad Danfoth, East High basketball, baseball and track star and all-round jock, was gay too. This latter fact, however, was not known to anyone, probably not even to the man in question (because, really, Chad believed in flowing smoothly down that long river in Egypt, and did a wonderful job at it).

Oddly enough, these two Albuquerque homosexual teens, one out and proud, the other closeted and seemingly in denial, were very good friends, bonded as they had over a staff baseball game at Lava Springs the summer before their senior year. Ever since Chad had broken up with Taylor because things just didn’t work out between them (no, elements of African topography most certainly did not have a role to play), Chad and Ryan had become even closer. Ryan tried his best to support and comfort Chad (who oddly enough, didn’t seem much in need of comforting, but Ryan appreciated this excuse to spend more time with Chad anyway).

They spent much of their time hanging out together when with their fellow Wildcats, but for some reason it was never just the two of them. Chad tried to get Ryan to come over to his place or out bowling or to a movie or for meals every occasion he could, but Ryan was just never available to hang out. Ryan was always just so very busy when Chad asked him to hang. Ryan’s refusals, as Ryan tried to convince himself, had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he wouldn’t know how to deal with the awkwardness that could ensue.

Now, since Ryan was so fabulous, he was also in possession of the best gay-dar in the entire state of New Mexico. Therefore, he had identified Chad’s gayness from the get-go, had shamelessly flirted with him over the summer, but because the poor Afro-ed boy was nearly drowning in an African river somewhere near where ancient Pharaohs awaited their after-lives, Ryan’s best efforts proved entirely fruitless. This was why Ryan kept pushing off Chad’s attempts at “buddy time” with him, because he knew Chad was not ready to acknowledge that he didn’t just want buddy time, but more. A lot more.

Finally tiring of his little school-boy crush (because unrequited love, dramatic as it was, just did not befit an Evans) Ryan came up with A Plan to get Chad Danforth to recognize his gayness. This plan, which Ryan referred to simply as “A Plan,” was going to be so simple that it had to prove flawless – after all, simplicity and sharpness was the order of the day, which also explained all the new Michael Kors ensembles in Ryan’s wardrobe.

He decided to invite Chad out to dinner, in an ambiguous “is-this-a-date-or-is-this-just-buddies-hanging-out?” manner. Now this sort of “i-t-a-d-o-i-t-j-b-h-o” ambiguity called for the most conscientious planning. First, a location had to be picked. All of Ryan’s favorite restaurants were ruled out because the poor jock would feel completely out of place amongst the fancy hoity-toityness of it all. It couldn’t be a gorgeous outdoor spot because that just screamed “I brought you here to make out” (not that Ryan didn’t want that, he definitely did. But screaming it would not be subtle. At all. And this plan had to rely on subtlety). Then it hit him. The Evans’ Estate would be perfect. Ah, the perks of the fabulous life – mansions at one’s disposal, butlers at one’s beck and call, and the most privacy any place could afford. All this at a place that Ryan could simply refer to as Home. So, they were to meet at the Ryan’s place, watch a baseball game together, their team would undoubtedly win, and in his excitement, Ryan would kiss Chad, apparently accidentally, but not really. Really, the plan was flawless. And if the outcome were to be as perfect as the execution, Chad would kiss Ryan back, they’d get together, run off to California to get married (if the amendment didn’t get voted for, of course) and the 21st century fairy tale would end with the two princes living happily ever after.

So on the Monday after the weekend Ryan drew up “A Plan,” he was ready to ask Chad out (no, really, to just ask him to hang out as buddies. Or something). After lunch that day, Ryan left the drama table, adjusted his delectably sharp navy blue fedora at just the right jaunty angle, and sauntered up to Chad’s locker where the jock was struggling with his oversized backpack. Ryan tapped him lightly on the shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh, hey!” Chad exclaimed, a bright smile quickly replacing the earlier annoyance. Then, as Chad looked at Ryan, his face took on a thoughtful look (which, Ryan thought, was an excellent look for him). “Something on your mind, dude? You look like a man on a mission.”

Oh no. Chad could read his expressions just too clearly. That would not do. Ryan Evans was known for his acting abilities and that is what he had to bring into play just then. All right, then, time to school his features into a look of the coolest nonchalance.

“No, not really. What’s up with you? Do you know where you’ll be catching the big game on Saturday?”

“Oh, the gang’s getting together at Gabi’s place to watch it. Can’t pass up on an opportunity to have her mother’s brownies, after all! You should join us, dude”

“Brownies would be fantastic, but you know what would be even more amazing? Our home theater’s gigantic high definition plasma screen. It’s seriously better than being at a real match, and I would know because we Evans always get the best seats at matches. Why don’t you come watch at my place?”

“Hey, that’d be sweet, man! You’re awesome! I’ll get the gang to the Evans Estate on Saturday. Anyhow, got to run. See you?”

Oh no. Oh no! Who said anything about inviting the gang? There went the fabulous plan. Darn it all. Now Ryan Evans was a man without A Plan and with an unfortunate crush. Things were certainly not looking good.

Ryan stood there absently fiddling with the buttons on his turquoise silk shirt. He was deep in thought. He needed a new plan now, and he needed it soon, what with senior year and all, and graduation (they were graduating already? Really?) being only three months away. Chad Danforth had to be convinced of his gayness before he graduated high school, and he had to be convinced to go out with Ryan before they left for college. This was really of the utmost importance for the world, more important than fighting AIDS or eliminating poverty, because this was part of the fight against oppression of marginalized groups. No, it really was.

Lost in these revolutionary thoughts as he was, Ryan almost missed someone calling his name.

He turned to see Chad practically skipping back towards him. No, really, the boy was bouncing almost as much his stupid orange basketball bounced around the court.

“Guess what, Evans! The gang can’t make it to your place on Saturday. Troy has to go out of town, Taylor and Gabriella have some scholarship thing, Jason said…” Chad rambled off. He continued “I don’t know, everybody seems to have other plans or something. Isn’t that awesome?”

Ryan brought his acting abilities into play again, and asked with a most incredulous look, “And why does that make you so happy?”

“Dude, we can finally hang out together, like just the two of us! I’ve wanted that to happen since summer, but you’d always blow me off or something.”

“Oh.”

Chad’s face dropped at Ryan’s lack of excitement or elation or any emotion of any sort at all. “Darn. You don’t seem too happy about it. If you don’t want to hang out with me, that’s all right. I mean, yeah, I can see why you mightn’t be too comfortable hanging out with just me, so really, it’s ok. No sweat.” Chad was rambling again.

Wait, what? Why would Chad think Ryan would not be comfortable hanging out with him? Was he onto something? Had he stopped being oblivious and realized that Ryan had a massive crush on him? But, if he had, and he still wanted to hang out alone that could only be a good thing, right? Besides, the boy looked miserable. Why must he confound Ryan so with his unpredictability? His head was asking too many questions, and Ryan wanted answers. So he asked Chad “What do you mean, exactly?”

“Well, it’s obvious that I have been crushing on you, for like, forever. I mean, since summer, at least. I kept trying to ask you out, and you never agreed, and I still kept trying, stupid me. I just… I just thought we could finally maybe spend time together… oh, I don’t know. I’m sorry Ryan, I’ll just go now.”

With that, Chad walked off dejectedly. Had he been a dog, his tail would certainly have been tucked under his legs.

Once again, Ryan was left standing there, not knowing what hit him. Chad Danforth had been crushing on him? Chad Danforth had asked him out? How had he managed to miss that? But, wait, wait, wait. Chad Danforth already knew of his own gayness? This new development called for a New Plan. A little voice inside him told him “No more Plans, Ryan. You’re no good at them. Just go get your boy!”

So Ryan ran after Chad, caught up with him, swung him around, and kissed him. The kiss lasted just a moment, or maybe it lasted a few hours, Ryan couldn’t really tell. All he could tell was that he was kissing Chad Danforth, who was kissing him back, and it was all wet and intense and raw passion and hidden emotions and unspent angst, and clenched shirts and twisted buttons. When it ended, both were panting for breath.

“Wow! That was…” Ryan began.

“Yeah, it was…. everything I imagined my first kiss would be.”

“Your first kiss? In 12th grade?”

Chad just nodded, probably too overcome for words.

Ryan smirked wickedly, “Then we definitely need to make up for all this lost time!”

With that they kissed again. So, Ryan’s Plan had actually worked, and it worked better than he’d ever expected it to, even if it didn’t work quite the way he thought he would. But, really, the point of any plan is the result, not the process, isn’t it? And, boy, was the result fabulous! Yeah, California weddings might still be on the cards.

random ramblings. Because I can.

2008-09-01T18:22:47Z

So I have been back at Georgetown for nearly two weeks now, and it still feels a little weird. There's just this sense of being an outsider here that I cannot shake off. But then, this sense of being an outsider is worse at home than it is here. So, well.

I have been spending too much time reading fanfiction. It's not a good thing at all. Sure, some of the writing is wonderful and it would be all good if I just stuck to the HSM Chad/Ryan fandom which is small and has quite a bit of good quality writing. However, I venture into Harry Potter too, which is just bad, bad, bad! At least I haven't started writing fanfiction (except this one story that I wrote for a fic exchange), because what with school and all my extracurriculars and my job, I really should not be indulging myself with this. And I should be doing more productive things with my time. So no more Harry/Draco or AS/S or Remus/Sirius or Dumbledore/Grindelwald for me. But Chyan, that I'm keeping.

I also do not understand my obsession with slash. Or with gay men in general. I mean, obsession with LGBTQ rights and stuff, that I'd understand. But with the gay male culture? I dunno. And why do I spend so much time checking out guys with my (male) friends? Checking out gay guys with other gay guys? I really have no clue.

I'm weird. That's the only explanation that I have.

All right, back to my French homework/IR reading/filling out applications.